NOT...........................

who cares what the hell i wear? who cares what makeup i put on? who cares what i say, what i act like, and whats acceptable for ME to be or do? who decides that? ive never been one to be confined to be something im not. i live life safe, but im not shy. ill go out and do something no one else will do. and none of my freinds really will do that. only a select, EXTREMELY SELECT, portion of my friends are really like me any more... i feel like ive grown up to be something different than what they all are going to be. and honestly? im really quite ok with that. im going to do what makes me happy, not what makes everyone else happy for once. im going to dance, im going to sing, and im going to wear dresses. im also going to act. im going to cut my own hair. what i am inside is not whats on the outside. what i WANT to be, is not what im being, and im tired of that. im just.... not. im really not. and its taken me 3 years to realize this.

hugs

alright, maybe I'm weird.... And honestly? That's perfectly fine, but I don't like to hug guys.... I don't feel comfortable if I ever do... I feel like I'm sick to my stomough, I feel light headed, and absolutely, and completely guilty. But why? Sure I have a boyfriend, and I want to respect him, but he really doesn't care who I hug... but i still feel bad. maybe its because i dont want him to go around hugging other girls... that i want that one little physical, special thing to myself... and by me violating it, and letting other guys in on my hugs, i am a hypocrite in not wanting other girls to hug him ubut then going around and hugging all the guys... but, whatever the reason may be. i am sticking to it because it is what im comfortable to me. and i have no problem turning down guys hugs. so this is how it shall stay: confusing, and unmoving. :P

Its My Turn Now

remember that speaker in chapel? the skateboarder? well, he insprired me to seak out a way to bring in christianity into dancing. me and my friend celine found a way to do so, and we even took OUR turn speaking in chapel... it was a scary, fun, and thrilling experience i will never forget.

We had a speaker in chapel today. he was a 28-year-old surfer/skater dude, and he apparently found Christ through skating. He said how everyone has a talent, and this is true. ive found mine. but it also got me thinking, will i be able to influence someone through my dancing? he goes around the world preaching, using skating, and i really want to do that... but first i need to find a way to connect dancing and god. one more thing to pray about! :)

I watched a really meaningful video today in Bible class. it was about mind over media. it really made me think, honestly. the main thing was that media really changes our sensitivity to sin and evil, ect. By watching evil, unholy movies, or listening to bad music continuosly desensitizes us. what once offended us no longer comes as a surprise! I really think its true. I used to think cursing was this big, terrible thing, but now when i hear it, i dont mind. The scariest thing about this video, was it profiled these two people whom one was scentenced to a life in prison for crimes influnced by media, and the other whom was excuted for murdering and raping over 25 women. And another thing, was that even if you dont kill anyone or something less extreme, million of people will be hurt by people who WERE influnced. SOmethign to think about...

Godbless and have a good day/week. Until next time, have an ordinary lifeeee!